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My son's medical care, how involved am I?
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At the present time not as much so
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because he's a young adult to himself
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and began to take on responsibility
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for his own medical care I would say
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around the age of 16, with a little bit of guidance
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along the way.
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He's also very stubborn, I have all these stubborn people
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in my life, but I've given him room to begin
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to take care of that himself.
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From the age of three I was, I was all completely involved,
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took care of all of his health.
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When he was first diagnosed, you know,
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within that first year of birth there were no treatments,
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not even AZT available for children.
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So we decided to enroll him in a clinical trial
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so that he could at least get some, some medication.
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So over the years he's gone through
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a couple of different clinical trials
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which have been very beneficial for him
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leading up to the current time where he's on
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the triple drug therapy and has been undetectable,
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his viral load has been undetectable
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and very, almost normal CD4 counts for, my goodness,
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almost probably two years now, and is very educated,
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very understanding of how important it is
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to take his medication each and every day, on time,
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(clearing throat)
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and has integrated that into his life.
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He still has concerns of course coming into adulthood.
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What does it mean to be a young HIV positive
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hip-hop kinda guy and negotiate all these things in life.
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Did you have conversations
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with him about that?
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I had conversations with my son from the time
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he was able to speak his first words
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and received guidance and support
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from mental health providers, his doctors,
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all the way up into, you know, his early teens.
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Had conversations about sex and sexuality
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and the use of condoms and building up
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a trusting relationship where
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he could come to me and ask me.
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I so trust and believe that my son would be open with me
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and ask me because he's not gonna get a,
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he's not gonna get a reaction, I'm gonna help him
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to be proactive in whatever he needs to address
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in his life around his HIV needs.
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I'll tell you conversations about sex with my son
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usually take place in the car because we're in
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that environment where neither of us are going anywhere
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and your mind is sort of spinning
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and through conversation with teenagers, you know,
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believe me sex is always on their mind (laughing).
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And the reality is, is we are all sexual beings
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including our children.
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So the best advice I can give is to be accepting of that
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and be willing to be open and address questions directly
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without beating around the bush.
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My son trusts me.
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I think that I, I can do that with him, I'm real with him.
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There are certain things
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he probably doesn't talk to me about
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and probably talks to his friends about more so than me
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but if there's something that comes up in their conversation
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he's always brought it back
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and I think I'm the one person in his life
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that he trusts that he can come to
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and I'm not gonna react to him in a negative way.
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I'm going to address his question,
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maybe give him some guidance,
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gonna give him my opinion whether he likes it or not
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and he may follow it or not
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but at least we can get the conversation going.
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I think, I think it's taken a lifetime
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to build that kind of trust
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but it's possible to do that with any child, teenager,
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I think, if, if you can get them to open up to you once
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and your reaction isn't, isn't in such a way
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that it would shut them down or shut them up
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because if I'm comfortable talking about it
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it's gonna help him be comfortable talking about it.
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So I think that's, that's key.